Recently I wrote a post divulging my 7 sins of Motherhood. Previously my husband confessed his business sins. So bar The Dog who has way too many bad habits, too gruesome to document that leaves 2 tiny people within my family who’s sins have not yet been disclosed. This is partly because they cannot yet write a blog post but mostly due to the fact they are children who still live in a wonderfully blameless world.
You see, I think the word “sin” requires some sort of premeditated thought, which toddlers have not yet developed. To be fair not thinking things through and not grasping that some of their actions may have serious consequences is what usually gets them into trouble in the first place. They don’t go out of their way to get into trouble but equally they don’t do their best to avoid it either. So although I can absolve them from sin as I don’t believe they’re being intentionally naughty. There’s no denying they have a vast repertoire of vices.
- Let’s start with Drama as this has to be The Vice Du Jour. Maybe it’s because we are coming into the Pantomime season but lately my girls are incapable of reaching a compromise. Instead they prefer to embark on a theatrical performance expressing their displeasure. So if for example I ask to leave the park before they feel they’ve finished flying round in the freezing cold. My request may be met with a child flinging themselves to the ground in protest. I’m then faced with the farce of folding said, ranting child into the pushchair or car seat. By this stage usually with an audience the original Diva, Mariah herself would be proud of. On days like this I find myself half expecting The Health Visitor to be waiting for me on my doorstep asking if I’m “coping” ok.
- Which leads me on nicely to Delaying Tactics. “10 more minutes playing”, “5 extra minutes in the bath” or “1 more episode of Timmy Time” on Iplayer. The list goes on. I’ve always been a big believer, if you don’t want to do something just do it, get it over and done with. My girls however will happily procrastinate and prolong the agony for as long as they can get away with but I guess they’re lucky they don’t have to stick to a schedule. Plus they’re immune to a withering look the Headmistress may give them if they’re 5 minutes late for nursery.
- Considering we are allegedly heading towards the season of Good Will my girls are fiercely defiant. I’m not afraid of saying No but I try not to say it with the monotonous regularity my girls indulge in. Even the simplest of suggestions can be met with Defiance. For example “May I help you peel the top off your yoghurt” will often result in Jemima, my 2 year old snapping “No! Me do it!” Their defiance is usually at its highest when they realise I’m under pressure. So occasionally when we’re crossing the road, Izzie, my 3 year old may decide in the middle of this road she wants to assert her independence and not hold my hand. Dangerous just doesn’t cover it.
- I’d say bring back the “Charlie Says” Green Cross Code adverts but children seem to love Danger. My girls have no interest in being anywhere near the cooker or iron until these things are turned on and are terrifyingly hot. Then no matter how many times I bark at them to stay away from these appliances they’re drawn to them with super magnetic powers. Is saying “Don’t touch” a bit like telling someone “Don’t look” they just can’t help themselves?
- Destruction often precedes danger. My girls have the natural ability to destroy an allegedly child safe toy and break the formerly harmless product until it resembles a hazardous weapon, with menacing pointy edges. Their destruction can be sneakier of course. They have so many toys to enhance their fine motor skills so why do I find them twiddling locks until they’re broken or peeling paint of the walls?
- Sometimes they admit their destruction sometimes they are prone to Dishonesty in varying degrees. So a question like did you break The Chad Valley Grand Piano may be met with “I don’t remember” or “my Sister did it” even though the accused may still be holding a broken keyboard. Denial when the evidence is stacked up against them is a common occurence as well as a sudden regression in speech. It reminds me of when abroad you complain to the previously fluent Hotel Manager yet suddenly when there is a problem they ” No Speaka Da English”.
- Occasionally their delight for destruction will end in Disaster so if they lean across the table to get some paints, possibly to redecorate our house with and I’ve been stupid enough to leave a glass of water on this table, the glass will wobble precariously. There is a moment when the glass looks like it’s taking a minute to decide whether to spill then it’s usually me yelling “careful” that makes the child turn and knock the water everywhere.
I guess that’s the point, I’ve been in the Motherhood business for a few years now so I should know that leaving a glass of water sandwiched between paints and an ipad is ludicrous yet I continue to make the same mistakes. Sometimes the parents really are to blame! But seriously if I am so full of flaws how could I possibly expect my girls to be without imperfections?
Would I really want them to just sit and do what they were told anyway? Ok my life would be a lot easier but a lot more boring and a lot less fun. Maybe it’s because I have so many but I’m a big believer in the saying that it is our faults that give us character. And my 2 baby girls are certainly characters which is why I wouldn’t change a thing about them.