Recently my husband published a post about some common sins of Business Owners. I remember thinking I wish I could get away with such shenanigans because my two current clients are extraordinarily demanding. But then I have to admit I’ve picked up a few very bad habits, some of which I’m not proud of but do make my current role occasionally easier. So let me share with you my 7 sins of Motherhood. Well the ones I’m prepared to publicly admit anyway.
- Bribery. I used to despise raisins, now I absolutely love them. They can do no wrong, I even forgive them for getting squished into the crevices of car seats or lining the bottom of my handbag. Of course said raisins aren’t for my own consumption. Urgh. My unconditional love of this dried fruit developed because it alone has the power to make my children behave themselves. If I put both my girls in a supermarket trolley, the temptation to fight is way too much, if they are bribed with raisins the shopping experience is bearable for all concerned. I may also be caught bargaining with stickers, colouring books or TV shows but raisins are my particular favourite as they keep both hands and mouth occupied and therefore less likely to engage in trouble.
- Dishonesty. I’m not a good liar, the mere thought of telling a lie makes me giggle guiltily as lying is so obviously wrong but these days I find myself a little more creative with the truth. When we’re in a rush and my children beg to go on that annoying Noddy ride in the precint, I have heard myself say “it’s not working”. It is of course not working because I’m not putting in the £2 it requires to get going. Not exactly a lie is it?
- Greed. When raisins don’t work in the bribery department I may be forced to up my game. Sometimes only Smarties have the answer. Remember when Smarties used to have those lovely plastic tops that made the popping noise? These have now gone, I speculate due to Health & Safety. Anyway it usually takes me half a pack of Smarties to negotiate with both girls. So the other half is left remaining. As the very safe pack is now no longer resealable, I fear if I put it back in my handbag it would empty out only to join the raisins. What a terrible waste. Sometimes I am left with no choice but to chug half a pack of Smarties.
- Desire. I never used to enjoy going shopping. My idea of shopping used to be an online catalogue accompanied by a can of lager. Now I love browsing in toy departments, especially now Izzie is the big 03. 3+ toys are much more fun. I’m more excited by Hamley’s than Harrods these days. So I get carried away looking at LeapPads for Izzie or a Rocking horse for Jemima when in reality Jemima would be happier, if I just allowed her to poke away at my ipad and Izzie would be delighed to get possesion of my iPhone 4S. It’s half tempting to allow Izzie the iphone as prehaps she could explain to me how it works. 4 weeks in and I’m still ever so slightly baffled.
- Hypocrisy. This commonly takes place over debates like eating sweets between meals. I really don’t want my girls to go through the discomfort of dental work. I think we’re lucky to have great advice from dentists these days which I’m eager to take. So usually if they’re hungry between meals I’m happy to offer fruit, crackers or anything sugarless. All sounding a bit too sensible? Ok, all this good advice is usually given while mentally stroking the Snickers bar, I intend to scoff sneakily when they can’t see. Sometimes there’s just no other way to keep my energy levels up.
- Self Indulgence. I’m really not proud of this one as it irritates me beyond belief when well meaning people start drawing similarities between my girls. They are both people in their own right with very different personalities. But occasionally I allow myself to dress my girls in matching outfits. There is no excuse apart from the fact I can’t resist the temptation as they just look so unbelievably cute. They got their own back a few weeks ago as I walked into a playgroup to be faced with a lady wearing exactly the same top from NEXT as I was. It’d be fair to say this lady and I were hardly delighted to be matching. We were very grown up about it, mumbling pleasantries like “What good taste in clothes you have”. While my girls didn’t exactly point and laugh, I’m sure I caught them smiling at each other as if to say “Not so cute now, is it?”
- Self Righteousness. I always try to put forward a reasonable argument as to why my children should or shouldn’t do something. If I have requested however they do not Conga quite so close to the hot oven while I’m making dinner but I’m met with the question “why’ for the 85th time. I may bark “because I said so.” I’d never do something purely because someone said so, I’d require a well thought out argument. To be fair I must have taught my girls well as they will never do something simply because they are told to. So while I am ashamed of myself, I am oddly proud of them.
So is anyone going to join me and own up to any of the above? Or even better admit to any other parenting naughtiness to ease my conscience. Although I look at these confessions and feel disappointment but not the shame I anticipated. Some of my vices are human weakness, some are in a desperate attempt to protect my children and some are just to have a little more fun on the way. Now that can’t be a sin, can it?